Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Searching

I am having trouble getting a comment to post at Metacatholic so I must post it here.

Doug writes as verse 2 of his hymn:

Searching for you in all you made,
in all my eye discerned,
I did not look within, afraid
to know what passion burned.

My simple comment has to do with scansion: 'In search' would scan better than 'Searching'. It has an additional alliterative result.

In search for you in all you made,
in all my eye discerned,
I did not look within, afraid
to know what passion burned.

1 comment:

Doug Chaplin said...

Your comments have now been added! :-)