Friday, December 21, 2007

Circumcisio et praesentatio

– You cannot make two into one.

– I don't have to. It's already done. One is that has made us one in him.

– Can we then make two where there was one?

– No we cannot. We may see many and not see one, but that is not the reality of the one that made nor of the one that was made.

– What a riddle!

Luke alone writes of the consolation of Israel. When you have consolation, you can die in peace. Beloved, there is a story in that word.

Since Prima has died, I have cried silently to heaven for my ears which are no more. Then today - can I name today? In the twentieth year of the emperor, Marcus Ulpius Traianus, 14 days following the winter solstice, in the night, on my bed, in the hours before light, one came to me in my silence. A light moved to my chin and the stubble of my beard burned but I was not hurt. And the light shook words to me in a foreign tongue. It was like how Prima used to touch my body and pulse the sound so I could imitate - so I learned to see her words. I did not want the light to stop. I feel my heart. I say to myself - slow heart, and know - no - be known by this light that burns without hurt. My chin quivers. My teeth and my palate glow within my mouth. I keep so still. I hear the Master's words to the man whose part I know by heart.


He spits. He touches my lips. He sighs. I hear thunder.

– Ephathah!

I was alone. A memory of a dream? But the top of my head still aflame, I awoke.

There was a bird outside. I opened my mouth and I felt again the fire on my stubble. Awake, I spoke aloud - not daring to believe. There was a new sensation in me. I spoke again. The same sensation. The bird - I had not looked for it. Always I get up and walk to the window to see the gulls swarming - this time I had heard them.

Woe is me - now I must obey and I must write. Beloved, his sigh is consolation. He has changed his mind about me - he has breathed me into hearing. Now I too am ready to die. I expect also like many I have known, that I will see the blood of the sword as well.

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